Stupid Corazon

So, I just had a long and serious conversation with Voluptas about my eating habits. Lately, I have been eating more, like I said. I went from one meal a day to two. Pretty good, right? Yay, are you proud? I'm not. I feel fat (Buggy will probably smack me for how utterly stupid I'm being). Today, I didn't eat lunch, but I have been snacking on chips and soda since 3-ish (It's 9:42 right now). I feel so utterly out of control, I feel like my willpower was shot. How did I used to act? I used to eat one meal a day, and then I kept it small, and I ran a lot, and even did some crunches. I knew it was dangerous, but I didn't care. I also feel like I have said all of this before, so I'll cut to the chase ~What is the chase? I don't even know anymore~ But I believe I have told you readers here that I weight 168lbs. The nurse told me not to weigh myself obsessively, but who listens to the nurse? The scale isn't in her room, I can weigh myself as much as I want when I'm at school. So, it's the weekend, but come next week, I will probably want to weigh myself again. What if I gained? I don't know what I'll do.

But here is my mind set; I have that part of me above that thinks I need improvement and yells at me for every morsel of yum I put into my mouth. But there is another part of me ~I like this part more~ that will look in the mirror and think "Hey, you aren't half bad." I weigh 168 at 5"5. That's overweight, but not drastically. It's AVERAGE ~the fact that overweight is average for our generation is kinda sad, but facts are facts~ And just looking around my friend group alone, I can name at least four people off the top of my head who weigh more then me. And don't even get me started on the rest of the school. Stand at one end of the hallway and look down, at least half of the people are larger then I am. And I know this is absolutely horrible, but seeing them overweight makes me feel better about myself. It's a "Well, I'm not great, but I could be a hell of a lot worse" type of deal. I know that makes me a horrible person, and I shouldn't compare myself to others, etc. etc. Oh well. This is my blog, if I don't write what I feel, what's the point?

Yours, fat or thin,
~Corazon