Mental exhaustion

TGIF!! I need a day where I can actually sleep in and just relax. Hopefully I am going to Voluptas tomorrow, though her mom hasn't actually given the okay yet. But the idea is up for discussion, and we will either know tonight or tomorrow morning. Then Voluptas and I wanna make a cheesecake if her mom will let us :P She probably thinks I will make the kitchen explode or something xD that is more Red's area of expertise then mine. I can actually cook, believe it or not.

So that is tomorrow and tomorrow sounds good. Today, however, wasn't so fantastic. I don't know what is going on, but lately, I have my ups and downs, but my ups rarely ever classify as "happy". Lots of my friends try to talk to me, but I really couldn't care less about anything they have to say. It just doesn't matter. There are only two times when I am happy, that I notice; when I am with, or at least talking to, Voluptas, and when I am running. I run a lot, and I'm proud of it. But anyway, today was one of my down days. But when Voluptas asked what was wrong, I didn't want to tell her. Why not? Well, for one, I am tired of dumping my problems on her. She is constantly worrying about me, and I hate it. For another, whenever we talk about my problems, she gets frustrated and angry. She says it's not at me, but it's me that causes it, and I hate that. So, I tell her and she gets angry. Then, I don't tell her, and she still gets angry. It's like there is no win. I hate seeing her upset. I hate being the cause of her anger.

So I told her all of that, we talked about it, and I hope we have found a solution that works. She said she wants to know everything, no matter what. So I am going to tell her everything. But I've decided that it's not worth it. If I don't eat in an attempt to lose weight, we fight, and I HATE fighting with Mi Voluptas. So what is the solution to that? Simple. I smarten up and start eating. Because I would rather be slightly over weight then fighting with the one person who actually cares about me. It sure doesn't seem like anyone else does.

Smartly yours,
~Corazon