I don't know why I do this to myself. This whole starving myself thing doesn't make sense. I've lost 20 pounds since the beginning of the school year, and my stomach looks drastically smaller then it did. It's really not that bad. Half of me realizes that. Then the other half says, 20 pounds is a start, but you can do so much more. Now, I'm not skinny. I'm at 168, which is 19 pounds over the healthy weight for someone my height. If I just monitor what I eat just a little bit more..... And run, and crunch. But then I'll get frustrated with myself, cause I want food! And I could easily say "Screw this, I deserve to indulge myself. Seriously, it's been days since I've eaten the right amount of food, why not?" but I know that if I do that, I will hate myself for it as soon as the last bite is gone. So why do I do this to myself? I'm not ugly, I'm not that fat. There are plenty of girls who are in worse shape then me. A whole bunch come to mind without me even trying. But then, a whole bunch come to mind who are already skinny, who can eat a sub sandwich without any worries. My step sister is one of them, and I share a room with her. I have to see her naked constantly, flaunting all her skinny bimbo glory. But I want food! I don't want junk food, I just want food! I would appreciate a sandwhich, or.... I don't know. So far today, I have had a bowl of cap'n crunch. That was at about 11:30. I could eat something now and be okay-ish with it, but then I would kick myself for eating dinner. And guess what? I am gonna post this, after reasoning with myself that food isn't bad, and then not eat. Why I do this to myself is beyond me. So I guess you can say this was pointless.... oh well.
Bye bye
~Corazon
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Hypocricy To The Max
I hate being irritable. By irritable, I mean everything gets on my nerves, then I get mopey, then I take it out on everyone else and turn into a huge bitch. ~Sigh~ So, since this is the second entry of my first blog ever, I am going to rant, because there is probably some therapeutic value to that.
First one: This goes out to everyone who ever got picked last in kickball, the people who didn't make it in the school play, or didn't win the talent show. This goes out to them because they know first hand that is truly sucks to be a second priority. Now, my family is huge. Right now, let's focus on my step sister {Let's call her Red}. Because of the arrangments made between her parent, she spend 3 1/2 days here and 3 1/2 days there. Because of that, I only see her 3 1/2 days a week, thursday-monday morning. So you would think that when she comes here on thursday, she could at least say hi to me. But she doesn't. And when I try to say hi to her, she could at least acknowledge me. And she does..... until her phone rings. Who is it? Why, her boyfriend, of course! The boyfriend that she has been talking to either on the phone or via text all week. And I asked her, am I gonna get attention when we get home? And she said yes. Bull shit. I could keep ranting about her, but I don't wanna make this too too long.
This is where the hypocricy part comes in, because in this paragraph I am going to rant about all those people who think they are fat. This is my example. I have a friend, let's call her CeCe, who thinks she is disgusting, and she eats way too much. This is what she ate today: A bagel, a donut, a tuna sandwich wedge, a cream egg, and a fiber plus bar. Is that too much? If anything it's not enough! But she still thinks, in her own words, that it's "disgusting that she ate that much!!" I will admit, she is not the skinniest girl around, but she's not the largest either. So why am I a hypocrit? Because I am also rather hard on myself. That's what she ate today. Want to know what I ate? A potatoe chip, and a Big Mac Meal. Want to know what I ate yesterday? A burger and a piece of cheese. I admit, it's not enough. I feel hungry, and I fight it, because I hate feeling fat, and when I feel full, I feel fat. I have also been running a lot, and doing crunches. So I have been running with basically no food in me. This is unhealthy, and I realize it's unhealthy, but I don't want to stop. I really can't explain it {Note to Buggy: This is news to you, but please don't start pestering me to eat more. It will just piss me off, and I really don't want to get pissed at you} *sigh* So yeah, I have a lot wrong with me. That is pretty much the top thing right now. Yeah, I'm pretty much starving myself. It's kind of odd how I will admit it but make no move to fix the problem.... And for the record, Voluptas already knows about this, so I am not keeping it from her.
I don't know if you would call this a rant... I think it turned out more like a confession.... Oh well!
Bye bye
~Corazon
First one: This goes out to everyone who ever got picked last in kickball, the people who didn't make it in the school play, or didn't win the talent show. This goes out to them because they know first hand that is truly sucks to be a second priority. Now, my family is huge. Right now, let's focus on my step sister {Let's call her Red}. Because of the arrangments made between her parent, she spend 3 1/2 days here and 3 1/2 days there. Because of that, I only see her 3 1/2 days a week, thursday-monday morning. So you would think that when she comes here on thursday, she could at least say hi to me. But she doesn't. And when I try to say hi to her, she could at least acknowledge me. And she does..... until her phone rings. Who is it? Why, her boyfriend, of course! The boyfriend that she has been talking to either on the phone or via text all week. And I asked her, am I gonna get attention when we get home? And she said yes. Bull shit. I could keep ranting about her, but I don't wanna make this too too long.
This is where the hypocricy part comes in, because in this paragraph I am going to rant about all those people who think they are fat. This is my example. I have a friend, let's call her CeCe, who thinks she is disgusting, and she eats way too much. This is what she ate today: A bagel, a donut, a tuna sandwich wedge, a cream egg, and a fiber plus bar. Is that too much? If anything it's not enough! But she still thinks, in her own words, that it's "disgusting that she ate that much!!" I will admit, she is not the skinniest girl around, but she's not the largest either. So why am I a hypocrit? Because I am also rather hard on myself. That's what she ate today. Want to know what I ate? A potatoe chip, and a Big Mac Meal. Want to know what I ate yesterday? A burger and a piece of cheese. I admit, it's not enough. I feel hungry, and I fight it, because I hate feeling fat, and when I feel full, I feel fat. I have also been running a lot, and doing crunches. So I have been running with basically no food in me. This is unhealthy, and I realize it's unhealthy, but I don't want to stop. I really can't explain it {Note to Buggy: This is news to you, but please don't start pestering me to eat more. It will just piss me off, and I really don't want to get pissed at you} *sigh* So yeah, I have a lot wrong with me. That is pretty much the top thing right now. Yeah, I'm pretty much starving myself. It's kind of odd how I will admit it but make no move to fix the problem.... And for the record, Voluptas already knows about this, so I am not keeping it from her.
I don't know if you would call this a rant... I think it turned out more like a confession.... Oh well!
Bye bye
~Corazon
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Randomosity :D
Hello people of the blogging world! I have never created a blog before, and thus I do not know how it works. So I will start by talking about my self ~like the egotistical lesbian I am~ and maybe, just maybe, some random people from Internet Land will find this and find me at least an itty bitty bit interesting.
Where to start?? I guess some of you may be wondering why I picked "Lesbian Folk Song" for a title. Or maybe I am overestimating my audience and none of you are. Either way, I am going to tell you why. Are you ready? Well, I am a lesbian, for one ~duh~ it's the Folk Song part that really needs explaining. I love music, all sorts of music, any and all music (except rap and some classical) but I really like Folk Music because 1. It is relaxing. 2. It reminds me of my dad who I am very fond of and 3. It tells a story. While the first two are good points, let's focus on number 3, shall we? Folk Music tells a story. And isn't that exactly what a blog does? It tells the story in the mind of the blogger, there thoughts and feelings, etc. So there you go, I hope that part makes sense?
Oh, what next? I am trying to keep this light and whatnot cause it's my first post and all. Is it working? I hope so, because now I do not know what else to talk about...
GUSH TIME~! As stated two or three or five times by now, I am a lesbian. And guess what else! I have a girlfriend! So I am going to gush about her, because I love her to bits and pieces, and she deserves it all. I don't know how she puts up with me. If I wanted to make this longer, I could list all the stuff that's wrong with me, but I will save that for a time when I am feeling sad and self-pitying. Aka, Not right now. Anyway, she will probably be coming up constantly in this blog, because she is a huge part of my life. I will refer to her as Mi Voluptas, or just Voluptas. Why? I won't tell you, but I will give you the pieces you need to figure it out. Voluptas is Latin. Now get to it! Tell me what you find out!
Ok, I can't gush about her much more without making that list of everything that's wrong with me. So I will try to wrap this up...
Why am I here? Because I like the idea of being able to blog anonymously on the internet. Only one of my friends knows who I am, and I intend to keep it that way. Not even Voluptas knows about this, but I can't keep stuff from her so that probably won't last long.... of course, I tell her everything anyway, she doesn't need to read a blog to learn about me.
So...... I don't know if anyone will actually read this, but if you do, you should comment, so I know that I have fans. And if you comment, you should ask questions, so I know what to talk about in my next blog. Now, get to it!
Bye Bye Loves!
~Corazon
Where to start?? I guess some of you may be wondering why I picked "Lesbian Folk Song" for a title. Or maybe I am overestimating my audience and none of you are. Either way, I am going to tell you why. Are you ready? Well, I am a lesbian, for one ~duh~ it's the Folk Song part that really needs explaining. I love music, all sorts of music, any and all music (except rap and some classical) but I really like Folk Music because 1. It is relaxing. 2. It reminds me of my dad who I am very fond of and 3. It tells a story. While the first two are good points, let's focus on number 3, shall we? Folk Music tells a story. And isn't that exactly what a blog does? It tells the story in the mind of the blogger, there thoughts and feelings, etc. So there you go, I hope that part makes sense?
Oh, what next? I am trying to keep this light and whatnot cause it's my first post and all. Is it working? I hope so, because now I do not know what else to talk about...
GUSH TIME~! As stated two or three or five times by now, I am a lesbian. And guess what else! I have a girlfriend! So I am going to gush about her, because I love her to bits and pieces, and she deserves it all. I don't know how she puts up with me. If I wanted to make this longer, I could list all the stuff that's wrong with me, but I will save that for a time when I am feeling sad and self-pitying. Aka, Not right now. Anyway, she will probably be coming up constantly in this blog, because she is a huge part of my life. I will refer to her as Mi Voluptas, or just Voluptas. Why? I won't tell you, but I will give you the pieces you need to figure it out. Voluptas is Latin. Now get to it! Tell me what you find out!
Ok, I can't gush about her much more without making that list of everything that's wrong with me. So I will try to wrap this up...
Why am I here? Because I like the idea of being able to blog anonymously on the internet. Only one of my friends knows who I am, and I intend to keep it that way. Not even Voluptas knows about this, but I can't keep stuff from her so that probably won't last long.... of course, I tell her everything anyway, she doesn't need to read a blog to learn about me.
So...... I don't know if anyone will actually read this, but if you do, you should comment, so I know that I have fans. And if you comment, you should ask questions, so I know what to talk about in my next blog. Now, get to it!
Bye Bye Loves!
~Corazon
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