Thought Interpretation?

I don't know why I do this to myself. This whole starving myself thing doesn't make sense. I've lost 20 pounds since the beginning of the school year, and my stomach looks drastically smaller then it did. It's really not that bad. Half of me realizes that. Then the other half says, 20 pounds is a start, but you can do so much more. Now, I'm not skinny. I'm at 168, which is 19 pounds over the healthy weight for someone my height. If I just monitor what I eat just a little bit more..... And run, and crunch. But then I'll get frustrated with myself, cause I want food! And I could easily say "Screw this, I deserve to indulge myself. Seriously, it's been days since I've eaten the right amount of food, why not?" but I know that if I do that, I will hate myself for it as soon as the last bite is gone. So why do I do this to myself? I'm not ugly, I'm not that fat. There are plenty of girls who are in worse shape then me. A whole bunch come to mind without me even trying. But then, a whole bunch come to mind who are already skinny, who can eat a sub sandwich without any worries. My step sister is one of them, and I share a room with her. I have to see her naked constantly, flaunting all her skinny bimbo glory. But I want food! I don't want junk food, I just want food! I would appreciate a sandwhich, or.... I don't know. So far today, I have had a bowl of cap'n crunch. That was at about 11:30. I could eat something now and be okay-ish with it, but then I would kick myself for eating dinner. And guess what? I am gonna post this, after reasoning with myself that food isn't bad, and then not eat. Why I do this to myself is beyond me. So I guess you can say this was pointless.... oh well.

Bye bye
~Corazon